Weirdest Things To Have To Clean Up After The Angel Investigations
New Year's Bash
(Post Torra's Morning After)
10. Pink Boxers with purple hearts on them.
Cordelia: "which Doyle unsuccessfully tried to hide in
the shoulder of his jacket while we were
Doyle: *looks sheepish* "I uh...didn't think t'was 'propriate fer you ta see Princess. I'll uh...hunt down tha owner and give 'em back ta him tonight..."
Cordy: *rolls eyes* "Honestly Doyle. Pink? Hearts?"
Doyle: *Sighs and gives in* "I lost a bet."
9. Donkey...uh... 'presents'.
Doyle: *ducks under Cordy, Wesley, and Angel's glares
as he shovels them into the trash bag*
Wesley: "Did you really think it was wise to invite the entire circus?"
Doyle: *Defensive* Hey! It helped you get some from the bearded woman, didn't it?"
Wesley: *Embarrassed as everyone turns to HIM increduously.*
8. A giant Riley death mural mysteriously (and artfully) drawn on the entire south wall.
Angel: *While scrubbing the paint off wearing yellow rubber
gloves and an apron* "See Doyle? THIS is what happens when I get drunk."
Doyle: *laughs* "It's a startlin' rendition if tha' makes you feel any better."
Angel: *leans back to admire his handiwork quietly* "Yeah. I guess it is."
Doyle: "And the whole yanking his arms off and shoving them into his ears? Uh...creative."
Angel: *beams* "Maybe we should just let it keep... it brightens the place up a bit."
Doyle: *makes a face* "Uh...it might frighten the clientele."
Angel: *breaks from his reverie* "Yeah. Right. It would." *gets back to work*
7. The computer had to be cleaned of excessive amounts of demon babe porn.
Angel: *raises eyebrows as he walks by and sees what's
on Cordy's screen*
Cordy: "It's not mine. Wesley and David act like a bunch of virgin teenage boys when they're drunk."
Angel: *eyes light up with understanding.*
Cordelia: *turns to Angel conversationally and points to the picture on the screen* "Is that position even physically POSSIBLE?*
Angel: *squints to see it better* "I guess it is."
Cordelia: *Shivers* "Yeesh."
6.Scrambled Eggs and flourscent orange nail polish.
*Everyone's thoroughly confused*
Doyle: "Don't even want ta try'n figure dis' one out."
*they all nod.*
5. The phone numbers scrawled on the wall underneath a large sign that says, "Doyle and Angel Inc., Male Escorts."
Doyle: "Man, I hope Cordy doesn't see this..."
Angel: "Look... Britney Spears was here. She left her number."
Angel and Doyle: *They look at each other.* "NYAGH..." *shivering, they wipe the rest of the
4.Wesley's "Momma's Boy" tattoo had to be "cleaned up" with some acid.
Doyle: *sipping at leftover Guinness while staring at
the tattoo on Wes' shoulder* "Momma's Boy?"
Wesley: *defensive* "I was...completely inibrited at the time...I certainly don't remember..."
Doyle: *watches and winces as Angel pours the acid and Wesley screams in agony*
Angel: *finishes the removal and turns to Doyle before whispering,* "You think
we should tell him about that "Pansy Ass" tattoo at the base of his neck?"
Doyle: *still sipping his drink* "Nah."
3. Kate's underwear and bra.
Cordelia: "Angel! Kate called. She says she has your boxers.
She wants her underwear back."
Doyle: *raises eyes at Angel* "You'n Kate?"
Angel: *Shifts body uncomfortably* "I thought my boxers felt a little tight...and lacy... this morning. I knew I should have checked."
Doyle: *eyes widen* "An' the bra?"
Angel: *tersely* "Found it, took it off this morning. We'll leave it at that."
Doyle: *nods sagely* "Right."
2. An arm.
Doyle: *looks at Angel* "Ya got carried away wid' arm
*holds up the arm by a scrap of sleeve distastefully*
Angel: *shrugs sheepishly* "He had a mouth on him. Besides, his demon girlfriend said it would
Doyle: *tosses the arm into a Hefty bag.* "Tha's nasty."
1. Thousands of pictures of Angel wearing Kate's Bra and dancing the can-can with Doyle (who's wearing a beaded lamp shade) while singing on top of the counter.
Doyle: *looks at Angel before grabbing an axe*
Angel: *nods and vamps out*
*Cordelia and Wesley both jump at the sounds of mass destruction coming from the next room*
Wesley: "What on earth?"
Cordelia: "Guess they found the pictures."